Zork II

"G.U.E. ON NINE ZORKMIDS A DAY"

[Pictures of 7 baggage tags:
- North Anthar
  Granola Mines
  Clusters of FUN for the whole family
- I Visited
  Greater Borphee
  And its Fixum Rixa Poo Nastic!! [sic.]
- Come Again to ARAGAIN
  Capital of the Frigid River
- King Zilbo Hotel
  Midtown Gurth
  "Where Every Guest is Treated Like a *ELTNID"
- I [heart] MITHICUS
- I Survived The Jungles of Miznia
  BLOODWORM MECCA of the G.U.E.
- Flying Carpet Airlines
  forward to:
    Tunnels of Love,
    Frigid River Valley
  from:
    Lenko Cavem,
    938120 Plateau Place,
    North-South City
        G.U.E
  TWELTH CLASS]

A Traveller's Guide to the Great Underground Empire
by Lester Foozilbarmumboz

Frobozz Magic Book Company. Copied right in the year 873. All rights
reversed.

FESTERON TOWN LIBRARY

03/35/874    07/07/876    03/02/881
05/11/874    09/02/876    06/14/883
09/01/874    02/13/877    04/22/917
01/29/875    03/09/878    02/21/948
04/34/875    07/35/878
06/10/875    01/03/879
04/21/876    08/06/879

Please take care of me...
library books belong to everyone.

ANTHARIA

[Picture]
Shown at Flathead Stadium is a citizen trying to get a leg up on the
competition during an exciting shark wrestling match.


LOCAL GOVERNMENT: Antharia is ruled by a council of four "Elders"--
one from the Shipbuilding Guild, one from the Granola Miners Guild,
one from the Marble Cutters Guild, and one from a popular waterfront
pub called "Emu's."

TRANSPORTATION: Getting to and from Antharia is limited to travel by
ship. (An Enchanter familiar with teleportation spells can be hired,
but are expensive and sometimes unreliable.) Normal third-class fare
for this two-day journey can coast as much as 17 zorkmids during the
month before the Marble Pageant.

WEATHER: Except for an occasional hurricane in late summer, Antharian
weather is picture-perfect. Leave your umbrella home, but don't forget
to pack your swim suit and scuba gear!

LODGING: The world-famous Zilton Hotel in downtown Anthar feature
plush accommodations and easy access to most of the island's sights.
Prices range from 6 to 24 zorkmids per night. More economical lodgings
can be found at the bucolic Pterodactyl Inn. Every room features a
stunning view of the cliffs overlooking the lovely north shore of the
island, and rates range from 2 to 8 zorkmids per night.

DINING: An absolute must is The Rusty Knife in West Anthar. Expect to
wait at least an hour; the house specialty is flame-broiled sea
serpent filet for a mere Zm1.25. Other fine seafood restaurants
include the Finhouse (Zm0.50 to Zm1.50) and Zilbar's (Zm0.35 to
Zm1.50).

THINGS TO SEE: The shipbuilding factories of South Anthar are an
amazing sight; plan to spend at least half a day. Tours for 1 zorkmid
are available every hour from dawn to dusk. The burgeoning marble
industry offers many exciting sights: the gaping mines in the Peltoid
Valley, the cutting and polishing guilds at work, the 20-bloit
conveyor belt at the port of Marba. Despite the reduced output since
the Granola Riots, the granola mines in the north make an interesting
visit if you can stand the smell. No trip to the island would be
complete without a cruise on the island's only glass-bottom boat, the
Bella Quease. The cruise leaves an hour before noon, and costs Zm2.25
(children under 12, Zm1.50).

SEASONAL EVENTS: The Marble Pageant, held annually in mid-spring, is
highly recommended. However, during the month of the Pageant, hotel
space becomes scarce, and many prices are inflated. Shark-wrestling,
held every weekend during the summer at Anthar's Flathead Stadium, is
an exciting experience if you can stomach the gore. Admission is
Zm0.75.

FACTS:
Land Area: 959 square bloits
Capital: Anthar
Nickname: The Island Province
Flower: The Spenseweed
Motto: "Heiya wizka" ("Hello sailor")

GREATER BORPHEE

[Picture of a beach with sign: FLATHEAD BEACH  "Beach Blanket Fannuci"
 [sic.] filmed here in 871 G.U.E.]
With wave heights averaging 38 ft., surfing is always great.


LOCAL GOVERNMENT: Greater Borphee is administered by a staff of
part-time volunteer managers, whose decisions are ratified at least
three times per year, but not more than every other week, by a series
of local forums.

TRANSPORTATION: Borphee is probably the single most accessible
vacation spot in the Empire. From anywhere in the Borphee River
valley, travel by ferry is easy and inexpensive. If you wish to travel
by sea, Borphee has an excellent, busy harbor. By land, the Coast Road
connects Borphee with the ancient cities to the north as well as the
populous southlands.

WEATHER: Thanks to the nearby ocean, Borphee has a very moderate
climate. The rainy season lasts most of the winter, and summers tend
to be humid.

LODGING: Motel Spell is a highly commercialized tourist trap with
overdone touches such as the issuing of self-casting REZROV spells
instead of keys. Rooms start at 5 zorkmids. Be forewarned, patrons who
miss check-out time will have their families turned into newts and
their luggage turned into bat guano. The Borphee Inn, run by the
Frobozz Magic Hotel Company, is comfortable and surprisingly
affordable. While penthouse suites can run upwards of 33 zorkmids per
day, basement rooms are available for as little as 3 zorkmids (but
make your reservations well in advance).

DINING: The Potion Palace, at the Borphee Inn, features a delightful
menu of enchanted dishes. Waiters are a thing of the past at the
Palace, as your mind is probed to discover the perfect meal for your
taste, which then poofs into existence right at your table. A nightly
floor show features dancing nymphs; expect to spend at least Zm4. Also
highly recommended is the Smokestack, where even the heartiest of
meals costs under a zorkmid.

THINGS TO SEE: Borphee is the Kingdom's fastest-growing industrial
city, with the magic scroll and potion factories leading the way. Both
Spellbound and United Thaumaturgy offer free tours of their
facilities.  (Spellbound's deluxe tour costs Zm3, but it includes
casting a time travel spell that gives you three extra hours in your
schedule.) G.U.E.  Tech, the newest of the Moss-League Colleges,
produces the young Enchanters of tomorrow. Many graduates have gone on
to start their own magic companies, and have become an identifiable
subculture known as "Yuppie," or "Young Underground Professionals."

Just a short trip south of the city are some of the most beautiful
stretches of beach anywhere on the Flathead Ocean, including the very
dunes where "Beach Blanket Fanucci" was filmed. Borphee nightlife is
renowned throughout the Empire; Studio Frob on the wharf features an
excellent Phlog and Tonic for Zm0.25. Warning: the Borphee Observation
Tower is a complete waste of money. Admittance is Zm7, and the air in
downtown Borphee never provides visibility of more than a fraction of
a bloit.

SEASONAL EVENTS: Borphee is the site of the annual Double Fanucci
Championships. During the first week in autumn, the entire province
fills up with every Double Fanucci fanatic in the kingdom. Tickets to
each game in the finals cost 3 zorkmids, but usually sell out within
hours. Scalpers command as much as 20 zorkmids for a good seat. In
late spring, G.U.E. Tech holds their annual Spelling Bee, which is
free and open to the public. The highlight of last year's competition
was Magic O'Leary's stunning mastery of clairvoyance spells which
allowed him to win the Bee before the first word was even issued.

Every winter, the hills of Borphee come alive with the sound(s) of the
most dreadful singers in the Kingdom. This event, aptly named The From
Bad to Worst Songfest, allows those truly terrible singers to gain
recognition while vying for the much-coveted prize of a pair of 18k
gold earplugs. Because most hillside residents schedule out-of-town
court appearances or surgery during this two-week period, you may be
able to rent an apartment or house for as little as Zm2 or Zm3.5,
respectively.

On the official first day of summer, thousands gather at the Borphee
Harbor for the G.U.E. Festival of Small Ships. Throughout the day,
hundreds of these floating antiques drop their mini-anchors in the
water and send off rockets, flares and fireworks to herald their safe
arrival.  Only those spectators 4 feet 5 inches and under will be
allowed to board the ships. Admission is free so come early to beat
the crowds.

FACTS:
Population: 1,107,810
Land Area: 754 square bloits
Capital: Borphee
Nickname: The Industrial Province
Flower: The Compass Rose
Motto: "Borphee-- fixum rixa poo nastik" ("Borphee-- better than you think")

[Picture]
Double Fanucci Stadium--where tickets for the annual Double Fanucci
championships often go as high as 20 zorkmids each.

THE FRIGID RIVER VALLEY

[Picture]
Flathead Mountains--inaccessable backwater of the Great Underground
Empire.


LOCAL GOVERNMENT: None to speak of.

TRANSPORTATION: Unless you travel via flying carpet, you'll find this
region to be virtually cut off from the rest of the Empire. You can
hack your way east through the coastal forests with a machete, or try
to cross the Flathead Mountains from the east, or you can try to
travel up the Frigid River, bucking the most severe currents and
dangerous rapids known to man. We suggest air travel.

WEATHER: Very unpredictable, but you'll probably be spending most of
your time underground.

LODGING: The Tunnels of Love are a favorite of the Kingdom's
honeymooners, located a stone's throw from Aragain Falls. The Tunnels
are well-known for their vast honeycomb of passageways, and couples
have been known to raise entire families just trying to find their
rooms.  Rates range from Zm2 for a room to Zm10 for a Honeymoon Suite.
The Cliffhouse, near White Cliffs Beach, is inexpensive (all rooms are
Zm2) and convenient to the big tourist spots.

DINING: The Roundup, just off the Round Room, specializes in dragon
dishes. Entrees range from Zm0.30 to Zm0.80. The Aqueduct offers
reasonably good cuisine and a breathtaking view of one of the Empire's
primary water channels. Slightly overpriced at Zm1.20 to Zm2.20.

THINGS TO SEE: Flood Control Dam Number Three is a staggering
engineering feat that must be seen to be believed. Nearby is Aragain
Falls, the so-called Honeymoon Capital of the Great Underground
Empire.  Slightly farther away is the Royal Museum, although the
three-week security clearance procedure discourages many visitors. If
mountain climbing turns you on, the Flathead Mountains offer one of
the best challenges anywhere.

SEASONAL EVENTS: On the first day of summer, crowds line the banks of
the Frigid River for a spectacular sight: the annual opening of the
floodgates of FCD Number Three, which lower the water level of the
reservoir behind. Frequently, the king himself will be on hand to open
the floodgates personally.

FACTS:
Population: 98,330
Land Area: 15,232 square bloits
Capital: Aragain
Nickname: The Deepest Province
Flower: The Budding Fern
Motto: "Blippi burz fliggin" ("Dig we must")

GURTH AND MITHICUS

LOCAL GOVERNMENT: An informal board of 13 thousand citizens meets three
times each day to settle disputes and ratify the provincial budget.

TRANSPORTATION: Take the Coast Road south from Borphee, or sail to the
port of Miznia. Travel from any of the westlands should coast no more
than 5 zorkmids.

WEATHER: Absolutely wonderful for most of the year, but it can sometimes
get unbearably hot during the peak summer months; bring mosquito
netting.

LODGING: In Gurth, try the King Zilbo Hotel, an elegant old building
with rooms for as little as Zm2.50. Your best bet in Mithicus is the
new No-Frill Inn. Rooms are only Zm0.75 per night, but almost
everything is extra. (For example, beds are an additional Zm0.50 per
night, pillows Zm0.20.)

DINING: The Broken Lantern in the village of Grubbo-By-The-Sea serves
a fine parrot stew, as well as other local delicacies in an intimate
setting. The desserts are world-famous; the morgia root pie is a must.
Most meals will be around Zm1.50; desserts are extra.

THINGS TO SEE: The southlands are known for their many fine artisans.
You can make arrangements to see carpenters, woodcarvers, rock
cutters, potmakers, and basket weavers at work. The region is also
prime vacationland, with many activities to choose from: sky diving,
bull- fighting, surfing, skin diving and glurking. Rates vary
seasonally, but a day's worth of any of these activities will cost you
no more than 2 or 3 zorkmids. Consider exploring the jungles of
Miznia, but stay away from the well-marked bloodworm spawning grounds
unless you have a trained guide. Trained guides usually start at Zm8
per day.

SEASONAL EVENTS: The gigantic Gurth City Crafts Fair is held every
weekend during the spring. The finest products of over 80 different
guilds are displayed and sold. In early autumn, the annual Harvest
Festival gets underway for a colorful two-week celebration featuring
local foods, drinks, song and dance.

FACTS:
Population: 2,883,190
Land Area: 21,545 square bloits
Capital: Gurth City
Nickname: The Vacation Province
Flower: The Morgia
Motto: "Utribiz oomum flaxil zobs" ("Don't eat moldy bread")

[Picture]
Over 80 different guilds and 120 different local delicacies are
represented at the Gurth City Crafts Fair.

THE GRAY MOUNTAINS

[Picture]
The snow-making equipment at the Gray Mountains always provides optimal
snowburrowing conditions.


LOCAL GOVERNMENT: Local matters are settled entirely by a tyrannical
governor who is chosen once a month by a lottery.

TRANSPORTATION: Travel to this remote area has recently been made much
simpler by the completion of the Great Underground Highway's eastern
branch. Tolls will run as high as Zm3 depending on your point of
departure.

WEATHER: Thanks to active hot springs, the temperature of the
underground caverns in this region stays at a uniform ideal
temperature.  However, up on the surface, the temperature is nearly
always below freezing, with frequent blizzards.

LODGING: The brochures for Grayslopes recommend a place called the Ski
Pole, but avoid this fleabag at all costs, unless you like bedbugs,
rusty water, and rude help. (Apparently, the owners of Grayslopes also
own a piece of the Ski Pole.) Instead, stay at the intimate Come-On
Inn, which cost only Zm1.30. The Come-On also offers discounts on all
equipment rental.

DINING: The Glacier Room is a colorful dive which is a favorite
hangout for the locals. In addition to generous helpings of good food,
the Glacier Room also provides cast rests for diners. From Zm0.60.
Warning:  ignore recommendations by natives to dine at the Rotgut.
Although the locals love to eat there, recommending it to visitors is
a practical joke the natives love to play. After all, they've been
brought up on this sort of food, plus they know all the best bromide
cures.

THINGS TO SEE: The hot springs are somewhat overrated as a tourist
spot.  As far as we're concerned, a trip to the Gray Mountains means
one thing:  snow sports. A lift ticket at Grayslopes costs Zm3 for a
day. Skating on the slanted frozen surface of Lake Dinge is an
exhilarating experience.  Snowburrowers rent for around 6 zorkmids per
week, but be sure to spend an extra Zm1.50 for a service contract.

SEASONAL EVENTS: None. There are no seasons in the Gray Mountains.

FACTS:
Population: 18,370
Land Area: 13,441 square bloits
Capital: Frostham
Nickname: The Fire and Ice Province
Flower: Frobizzan Moss
Motto: "Mekie zimbuz" ("Maybe tomorrow")