HILLBILLY MOONSHINE RACERS
Typed by LIL LOUISE/QUARTEX. Edited by PARASITE

MOONSHINE RACERS

"Geet that mangy mutt outa my still boy." Ol' man Tucker spluttered in a spray of of black bacca juice. "I'll show that god'darn dawg who's boss round here."
Tucker reached in the cab of his pick-up and retrieved a twelve bore, cocked it and trained the sight with his one good eye in the direction of Billy Joe's hound Scraps. BLAAAMMM!

"Yelp yelp yelp!" Scraps had just finished swimming around in the bubbling stiller of moonshine, gulping and slurping and was now high-tailin' it into the barn, quicker than a turkey on Christmas eve.

"Yeehee haw hotdiggerdy! I've never seen Scraps move so fast."Billy Joe and Ike were laughing fit to bustin'. "Don't worry ol'man it'll better the taste of that there liquor - yee hee haw!"

"Couldn't make it any worse!" Ike added. Tucker turned the gun barrels on the boys: "Yooz boys geet yer butts in them there vee-hicle and deliver that there moonshine by sundown, ya hear!"

BLAAAMMM! Tucker emptied the second barrel in the boys' direction sending them running away like chickens from a southern fried chicken factory. Billy Joe fired up the wagon and tore off down the dirt track in a cloud of dust and smoke, Scarps baying out of one window, Ike hollering at the top of his voice out of the other: "Yer nothin' but a crazy ol' coot Tucker!"

"OK folks that was Willie Nelson! Now on radio Mississippi here is Miss Sammy McVye singin' here new song: "Ike turned up the radio to the first strains of Miss McVye's tune "You've had one too many women in yer life when ya shoulda been with me yer wife Ya caused me a loada trouble, now I'm gonna burst ya bubble, Oh I'm real mad cos ya made me sad...."

"Holy cow!" Ike exclaimed "I don't know what sounds worse this ol' wagon or that there warbling woman. Yeehaw haw haw!" Once again the boys were in fits of laughter. It could be said that they didn't have two brain cells to rub together but at least they had a sense of humour.

The sun was slowly fading in the western skies. Ike nudged Billy Joe: "We'd better get a lick of speed on, else ol' man Tucker will strip our hides if we don't deliver that liquor." With that, Billy Joe put the pedal to the metal. The wagon spluttered as the other cylinders joined the living and the old Plymouth surged down the track.

Up the road a'ways, Sheriff Fat Sam was sat in his patrol car barking down the radio to one of his deputies: "What in tarnation you playin' at Deke? First you gotta arrest the varmint, then you read him his rights - didn't they teach you anythin' at that school?" Sam slammed down his radio and shoved his fat mit into a bag of hashes for the last morsel. Licking the grease from his lips, he began whistling his favourite tune, "The Rose of Alabama. "Suddenly, he stopped midway through the chorus. Craning his neck to look up the road. He could just make out a cloud of dust in the distance: "Darned if that ain't those two lowdown moonshiners Ike and Billy Joe."

Sam picked up his radio "Deke, geet yer butt up here to route 42, I think I've found me some moonshiners."

"YEEEEHAAAWW! Ike and Billy Joe rushed past the sheriff and dived into a clearing up the track. "I've got you varmints this time." Sam turned the ignition key. But he'd been sitting all afternoon with the air conditioning on and, with a 'WRRRrrrr", the siren sounded a weary note draining the last juice out of the battery: "Dagnabbit! You god'darn heap of trash... you let me down for the last time." In a fit of fury, Sam unholstered his Colt 45 and emptied the magazine into the car. "Oh shoot! Now I gotta walk home."

At Zak's bar, the boys delivered the moonshine and settled the dust with a couple of cold beers: "Yeehee haw! Did you see the look on ol' fat Sam's face, he looked as red as a beetroot."

Zak came over to the boys. "I'd keep yer voices down boys. That big mean critter over there is Sam's new deputy and he's aiming to clean out the moonshining business round these parts."

"He sure looks like one mean son of a gun." Ike agreed. With that, the boys gulped their beers down and sidled out of the bar to make their last delivery. Billy Joe stopped and pointed to a brand new patrol car parked outside Zak's bar: "Well look'a here. Reckon that there shiny new vee- hicle belongs to Fat Sam's new gorilla?" Ike nodded in agreement and rubbed his chin. Ike leant into the cab and brough out what looked like a large furry black and white ball. Ike leant through the window and placed the dozing skunk in deputy Coogans car. Then: "YEEHAW! Wakey wakey Mr Skunk!" The critter jumped out of its skin and did what all alarmed skunks do all over the drivers seat.

Billy Joe fired up the ol' Plymouth and roared around the car park. Meanwhile, back in Zak's, deputy Coogan was on his way out of the door.

"Well look'ee here, if we ain't got a couple of good time boys!" Billy Joe continued to roar around Zak's yard covering Coogan's shiny new car in dust and grit. Deputy Coogan sprinted to his car and launched himself into the driver's seat only to discover Ike's surprise present: "URGH! Shhh...oot!" With that, Billy Joe made one more circuit and with a "YEEEHAW!" roared off down the track.
MOONSHINE RACERS

Sheriff Sam and his deputies are real sore now and they're aiming to make life as difficult for Ike and Billy Joe as possible. Here is your change to run moonshine for ol man Tucker. The Pay ain't bad and the life is hectic but fun - provided you keep your sense of humour! The objective in Moonshine Racers is to deliver ol' man Tucker's moonshine to various customers throughout the state.
THE CHARACTERS

IKE
Ike's been running moonshine for years, but he's never been caught. He knows all the shorts cuts and hiding places and, thanks to his powerful CB radio, he can contact all his 'good buddies, who tell him about police movements in the area.

BILLY JOE
This is one crazy young boy from New Orleans. He was weaned on Jim Beam sour mash and the stuff has certainly mashed his brains. B.J. drives the wagon for ol' man Tucker's moonshine deliveries. He has the habit of hollering YEEHAW! at the slightest hint of excitement. He has no respect for Fat Sam and his deputies, which is demonstrated by the way he drives his ol' wagon.

OL' MAN TUCKER
There's only one way to describe ol' man Tucker and that's miserable old grouch. He chews strong black bacca which he spits and splutters as he talks. In living memory, he has never had anything nice to say about anyone. One time, Billy Joe crashed his truck spilling most of the moonshine on the highway. Tucker horse-whipped the lad and evicted B.J's dear ol' grandma from her shack and set light to it.

SHERIFF 'FAT' SAM
At 22 stone, Fat Sam can just about squeeze behind the wheel of his patrol vee-hicle. Sam once ate fifty boiled eggs for a $100 bet. When he'd won the money, he belched and then ordered a rack of ribs and fries. When he meets a stranger in town he always says: I'm the law in these parts step out of line and I'll put you in the jailhouse boy!" He's always hot on the heels of Ike and Billy Joe. "One day I'm gonna get them varmints!"

SCRAPS
"Mangy god'darn hound!" Hated by ol' man Tucker, Scraps is a mischievous little dog who has a taste for moonshine.

ROMMEL
Fat Sam's rottweiller is a dog with an attitude problem - he's one mean dawg boy - he even bites his master! Once this hound gets a hold of you he won't let go.

THE VEE-HICLES
You begin your moonshining equipped with Billy Joe's basic and beaten up jalopy wagon. But as you gain more money delivering moonshine, you can spend it on new engine parts and tyres at Sam's garage.

But constantly being chased by Fat Sam and his men soon wears out the engine and so as you progress, you've got the change to buy faster and better equipped automobiles.

JALOPY
Billy Joe's ol' wagon can reach a pretty good speed, thanks to the high octane fuel he uses. But keeping one step ahead of Sam takes its toll on this ancient old wreck. A good runner but in need of some attention.

SALOON
If you've made it this far, you can get someone else to drive the truck while you cause havoc and mayhem on the highways. Good all round condition long MOT.

HOT ROD
Now you're really cooking. The hot rod is the fastest vee-hicle on the road and fat Sam has to recruit some deputies from other states to keep up with you. Stylish flame paintwork design - never raced or rallied.

IN THE CAB
Transmission is a two gear affair, with a press of the firebutton changing from low to high gear. If you stop for any reason you must change down to the low gear for a fast getaway.

SPEEDOMETER
When the boys are driving, the needle on the speedometer goes completely off the scale. How fast can you go?

TEMPERATURE GAUGE
Constantly driving at full speed the use of some highly suspect fuels and colliding with other vee-hicles and obstacles sends the engine temperature racing. Eventually, the engine will blow up, so watch it.

ROUTE MAP
This route map shows the road ahead, your position and any major hazards and obstacles to watch out for. If you buy the maps, Ike will be able to warn you of hazards and which route to take.

MOONSHINE
Some barrels which are located on the side of the road actually replenish your stock of moonshine which can then be used as fuel when you've bought the turbo.

MOONSHINE GAUGE
This gauge shows the state of your consignment of moonshine. It slops around as you rock 'n' roll down the highway. "But mind you don't lose none boy or ol' man Tucker'll be after your hide." You can also use the moonshine as fuel when you've got a turbo fitted.

MARLON'S GARAGE
Marlon's garage is well equipped with engine parts. Ike and Billy Joe often turn up at Sam's for a good o'l chin wag. You can call into Marlon's and talk about any of the parts on sale. To quit out the shop after you have made your purchase, move the cursor to the edge of the screen and click the right-hand button.

NEW ENGINES
When your engine burns out, there are two types of new engine to choose from. Engine 1 gives greater acceleration engine 2 gives greater speed.

TURBO
This little beauty sure gives you that extra spurt of speed when you need it. Just ask Marlon's about it. To fire up the turbo, press the space bar and hold down while the vehicle speeds away from trouble. This uses up your moonshine.

SUPERCHARGERS
There are two types of Superchargers. They're expensive but they can really improve the performance of your vee-hicle. But beware, they can burn your engine out quickly.

TYRES
The highways are rough, and constant collisions with other vehicles and obstacles quickly wear out your tyres. So, if you've got the cash, buy some new tyres at Marlon's. The replacement tyres give better handling on corners and in the rain.

MAPS
Although Ike knows most of the routes and short cuts, you can buy maps at Marlon's which give you even more information. If there's a fork in the road Ike will tell you which is the best route to take.

FURRY DICE
Furry dice gives you an advantage. But you've got to find out what this advantage is.

TOBACCO
There's tobacco on sale, but do you really want to ruin your health?